Hmmmm....what to do?

So it's Friday, I'm working (sort of)...and bored out of my head. I feel like I've been going a million miles a minutes for weeks now and I'm tired. My ex-husband is getting remarried next week. Interesting, but it's really not bothering me....honest! I guess I've truly gotten over the whole break up thing. It helps that I have a great family, great kids, and a great boyfriend. I still have some crap I need to deal with (long, long story) and since it's kind of painful and embarrassing, I've procrasitnated to the very last minute. Now, I get kind of choked up and my heart starts to pound. This is the result of stressing out about the consequences of my initial inaction and now the procrastrination on top of it. I'll scrounge around today to try and come up with some alternatives. UGH! Very stressful and very irresponsible. I won't kick my own ass too much cuz I know I've come a long way baby. Looking forward to a great weekend of soccer and football. My favorite things to do in the fall.

Wise Wisdom From Someone Who Just Ended Up Here

This is truly a first for me. I've read blogs before but mostly political ones (on Cnn.com, Myspace...mostly written by my oldest son and nieces and nephews and other sites). Until tonight, I didn't realize how theraputic having a blog might be. I was introduced to an old friend's blog tonight. She sent it to me in what I believe was a way to reach out. Reading her thoughts from the past month and hearing her pain at the demise of her marriage just inspired me. I knew, I had to write...I HAVE BEEN THERE! I've been the Paxil all day, Atavan and Ambyin to sleep each day and night girl. I've been the 40+ lbs overweight wife. There is hope. It just takes time.

When we lose ourselves in marriages or relationships or being a mom or a professional, sometimes we have to go through hell to refind ourselves. And as Churchill said "when you are going through hell, keep going".

I'm truly in love. I am with someone that GETS me. That doesn't judge me. That accepts me. That appreciates my intellect. That is totally into my body. He thinks I'm hot. We are so in love. I've spent so many years trying to make an "unworkable" marriage work. Then getting close to boyfriends NOT because I knew deep down that I loved them, but because I was afraid to be alone. And guess what???? He feels the same way. Two failed marriages on his side. Spent many years being the peacemaker and at times the door mat in the hopes of making things "unworkable" work.

Do you know how many times we look at each other and read each others' minds? We say almost daily "how fucking lucky" we are to have found each other. Neither was looking. Neither trusted or wanted to have another shot at getting our hearts broken. No way in hell was I ever going through a potential divorce again. No way in hell was I ever going to trust another man with my heart.

The best part, he LOVES my kids. Not in the "can I take them to a movie and buy their love with ice cream and popcorn love". It's the "Man, I'm in Cleveland for the third day and I really miss the boys" kind of love. It's the "sometimes I catch Kyle being nice to Travis and I'm so proud of him" kind of love. It's the "their dad was critically injured in an accident and I'll spend four days with you and the kids and your ex's family in the hospital waiting room" kind of love.

Hang in there my blog friend. You have to get through the really shitty, gritty pain to look back and see what you've over came. No one can rush it. No can fix it. You just got to live it. You will wake one day and go "I feel pretty good today". Then you wake up and say "Wow, I've felt pretty good for the last month." Then you wake up and think "I am so happy!!! When did this happen?"

Oh and long lost friend - I AM BACK TO A SIZE 8!!!